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Everyone. Every. Single. One of us. Has hang ups, neuroses, insecurities.
They show up in different ways. Some masked by confidence, others shaking with fear, others pursuing, driving and achieving to compensate for the empty space and the belief that they’re not good enough.
But we’ve been sold hype all our lives and this is how it plays out.
I’m delighted to host this post from Lara Plaxton who’s co-facilitating the next Learn > Connect > Do on 14th June with Garry Turner.
Employee Experience is a new concept in the world of work so if you want to be ahead of the game and learn more: read on and book on!
Over to Lara…
| First day in the new job…. | |
| I’ve never been responsible for so much before. | I wonder what the new boss will be like. |
| Better make a good impression or they’ll think they’ve made the wrong hiring decision. | Better make a good impression or they’ll think I’m no good at my job. |
| Must look like I know what I’m doing and what I’m talking about. I’m meant to be in charge of all this. | Must look like I know what I’m doing and what I’m talking about. I’m meant to be in charge of this department. |
| OK, let’s do this. | OK, let’s do this. |
| [Step into the office, shoulders back, head up, eye contact, confidently greeting people] | [Steps into the office, looking around]
Is he here yet? |
| [Conversations in flow – listening deeply] | [Conversations in flow – speaking passionately] |
| Wow I’m learning loads. | Wow I know more than I realised, and he seems to be really listening. This is going well! |
| I have so many questions. | These questions are really getting me thinking. I love this! |
| These people really know their stuff. | I feel like I know my stuff even better than I did before this conversation! |
| They seem so engaged with what they’re doing and keen to change things for the better. | I love this job and this new boss seems great! |
| I’d better show that I know stuff too [adds knowledgeable stuff to conversation]. | And he has insights to add. That’s so useful to have a new perspective. |
| A few months later….. | |
| [Amount of knowledgeable stuff added to conversations grows….] | [Amount of knowledgeable stuff added to conversations is dropping, confidence is dropping] |
| Hey, I’m doing great! Look at all this stuff I know now. | I’m not sure I’m as good at this as I thought I was. |
| I can add so much to conversations. | I don’t feel I can share anything he doesn’t already know. |
| I have so many ideas. I’m thriving on sharing them with everyone! | I don’t know where to take this next. I can’t get a word in edgeways anyway. |
| 6 months later…. | |
| I get all this now. | I’ll wait to be told. |
| I’ve got a clear plan of what we need to do and how we’re going to get there. | It’s always his opinion first so no point thinking first.
|
| Why is this person saying this again? We went over this already? | If he’d only listen he’d hear what I’m really saying. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t care what I have to say. |
| I asked for that last week. What are they doing? | What’s the point, it won’t be exactly what he wants anyway. |
| I have this amazing idea – I’ll go and tell the people who need to make it happen. It must be done yesterday! | Instructions received. Robotic task-completion mode engaged. |
| Nobody has anything to say around here. | ….. |
| I wish people would just get on and do instead of seeking permission from me! | Given he knows it all I need to check this first or it’ll be wrong. |
| Why does nobody interact in our meetings or bring ideas?
It’s like they’ve all just disengaged. |
….. |
We’re taught our whole lives – from school and through work – to show our brilliance. Have the ideas. Show you know things. Demonstrate capability. Do stuff and do it well and quickly.
All through school, university and work we’re rewarded and praised for knowing and doing.
Today’s post is brought to you by Janice Keyes. Janice is a wonderful, dedicated HR professional and coach who’s bringing her self care expertise (learned through her own challenges with 
bringing balance to life!) to Learn > Connect > Do next Thursday (15th March). All profits from these events go to Twenty:Twenty and when you join us you
This is my experience of a flotation pod at Calm Water Flotation, Nottingham who (despite how you’ll see my thought flowed) were very helpful at explaining how everything worked and how we might feel in the pod. Giving floating a try was for our Aligning Teams Christmas Do and on the back of Mark Gilroy’s experience – we decided that the usual meal and drinks wasn’t for us and instead we plan to try a different therapy or experience each year……
I’ve just finished reading my pre-release copy of the Rebel Playbook and wanted to pen a few words to share my thoughts so that you can choose if you’d like to read it when it’s released on 23rd Feb this year. You can pre-order it now though – here or (currently at a reduced price) here. First up, I want to say that I have no association to Debra or Glenn so this review isn’t a “helping mates out” thing. I bought a pre-order copy, as anyone could do if they spotted the tweets promoting it. Full disclosure though – they did send me some Haribo! Which swiftly went to the kids 🙂 And a second book by way of apology because my copy was delayed.
I’m seeing it everywhere I go.
No time to stop. No time to think. Just get on and do, do, do! And make sure others are doing the same.
In this place your brain is in action mode (distinct from reflection mode). You become more concerned about yourself than others. You lose perspective. It’s hard to see the bigger picture. You don’t think with full capacity because you’re verging on threat state and some parts of your brain aren’t deemed important enough for good blood flow when you’re in that place. More things become a competition than necessary. Frustrations are everywhere. And you’re more likely tip from the edge of “healthy pressure” into unhealthy stress and unhelpful reactions. When that happens you damage relationships, often with those you’re relying on to get your “doing” done.
We in ‘civilised’ society talk of girls and women and their emotional ways
Yet I experience
Again and again
Young boys with strong, clear and overwhelming emotion
What happens as they grow?
Stop crying
Be a man
Grow up
Tears won’t solve it
The control of their uncontrollable helps us feel safe. We teach them control is the way.
It’s going to be big!! On 30th November Learn > Connect > Do is back with something a bit different. It’s our Christmas event – nice and early to avoid bumping into the partying and quality time with friends and family – and we’re bringing you four – yes four!! – experts to join our learning conversation about Diversity and Inclusion. If you already know you need this learning jump straight to the booking page on Eventbrite!
I’m a recovering Type A, maybe with a bit of Type C chucked in!
Like alcoholics, I’m not sure my treatment will ever be entirely complete, but I’m on the right track.
I’ve always strived to achieve. To achieve with the hope of being ‘good enough’ for the parental figures in my life – be they at home or work. Having always found good grades fairly easy to come by at school I expected the trend to continue in work, sometimes sorely disappointed by the different type of race being run there with politics and relationships suddenly part of the game – not just working hard to deliver ‘the work’.