We get so scared of seeing the lurking fears in the backs of our minds — but it’s really seeing them that reminds us of the boundless freedom we are.
“I’m such a terrible parent” I sobbed to the coach.
I was in a coaching group in 2020, and this was me. A sobbing mess. I’d erupted at my son because he’d refused to go to football— again. I thought I’d gone beyond these eruptions, and yet here it was again. It looked like it was his fault and he was the problem.
But this time was different. This time led to another level of honesty beneath what I’d seen before.
I’d previously seen the untruth of the stories that were a layer above it — about ‘how do you think it looks to other people if you don’t go’, about ‘how important it is to be reliable’ and ‘what if you let people down’.
But this deeper-level fear had always been lurking under all eruptions with my kids — what if I’m a terrible parent?!!
This looked so dangerous. Total failure if this were proven to be true. I’d really be found out then!
So if I’d been really honest with him I’d have said — ‘I want you to go to football so I look like a good parent. So I can get rid of this scared feeling.’
But I didn’t. The fear was too great and too convincing that it was about him, so I had just erupted. (Isn’t it funny how pushing away the fear of being a bad parent was creating…a bad parent!)
Anyway, in response to my sobs, the coach…well, I can’t remember exactly what she did or said but my memory is that it didn’t involve any rescuing from the sobs, no attempts to make me into a better parent. Just holding me in the mess and sorrowful dejection of it all.
And weirdly, over the rest of day, as I emerged out of it, there was an incredible lightness and clarity.
Except it’s not really weird
It makes perfect sense when you know that nothing true can withstand the light of awareness.
And no thought is true.
This means that any thought which is spoken into a space of unconditionally loving awareness cannot survive.
It’s like a dark-dwelling gremlin stepping out into bright sunlight and being dissolved into thin air. Poof! And it’s gone.
Sometimes we do this for ourselves — we see the thought with awareness and instantly see it’s not true. Instantly return to clarity. Instantly feel our nature — liberated, boundless freedom.
But for some of these closer-in, longer-standing thoughts — the ones that have been hidden under more layers of story than others — it really helps to have another’s light shining on them. Even better if there’s a group of people shining their loving light of awareness.
Dissolving what has been kept hidden in the back, smothered and covered for fear of it being seen, not realising that ‘it being seen’ is EXACTLY what’s wanted for liberation. To remind us of the freedom we already are, and remind us of the untruth of anything in form.
We suffer when we believe untruths. We suffer even more when we keep them hidden.
We remember our boundless freedom when we speak honestly into unconditionality.
We remember our boundless freedom when we don’t try to solve what was never broken.
Nothing needs fixing, it just needs to be seen.
Funnily enough, since then…I’ve not erupted with such fear at either of my kids again…
So start now
What has looked like a problem in the last week?
What has irritated you, frustrated you, upset you?
What have you blamed someone or something for?
Write it down.
You can write lots if you want, or just write one statement — “they’re so annoying because…”
Notice if you want to go into solution-mode — fixing them or the situation. And step back from that. Just see the words, lovingly, unconditionally, with no need for them to be different than they are.
And see what happens. Notice over the coming minutes or hours what comes to mind to suggest that what you’d believed was true or necessary, isn’t. Notice lightness returning. Notice clear, obvious words being spoken or action being taken without grudges, resentments or issues.
Notice the feeling of boundless freedom.
With love, Helen
I’m hosting a call on 11th Feb 12.30pm UK time for an hour, on this subject of getting honest for remembrance of our freedom. I’ll share the context to this topic, and then we’ll hear recent examples from the group — so it is a requirement you come with something that’s annoying / irritating / frustrating / bugging you, or getting you down. Then we’ll use a couple of questioning approaches which are purely for the purpose of understanding — not solving— because nothing is broken. And then let’s see what liberation gets revealed in the honest seeing of it. Be on the call by joining here, and stay a member for as long as you like. It starts at less then £7 a month.
I coach and guide smart, passionate, curious people who care about improving the lives of those around them. Often coaches and leaders, they’ve worked hard all their lives to be the ‘best’ them and it doesn’t seem to have delivered the happiness, security or freedom they expected. Now they’re wondering what else is available. I guide you back, prior to stories, to remember the real you because that’s what you, me and the whole world really wants! Find out more here.