If as a coach or change professional you’re feeling at the end of the road with normal development, and you think you could be working deeper, read this.
There are no problems and there is nothing to change.
As a coach does this statement sound like the end of your coaching business? As a change professional does it sound completely ridiculous given the change you spend your days supporting?
And yet this is the very sentiment that sits behind any transformational change — there are no problems and there is nothing to change.
So weird isn’t it. That it’s the knowing of perfection — already, as things are, right now— that enables the greatest shifts.
“It’s a wonderful paradox: only when you have a changeless sense of who you are, can real changes take place. It is the ground of your absolute value and everything that is truly worthwhile” IIchi Lee
So although it sounds crazy, is there something in you that’s nudging you saying ‘there’s something in that crazy statement’.
In fact you’ve seen the evidence for it.
Compare and contrast:
- A meeting or coaching session when you’ve been up in your head, feeling self conscious, wondering if you’re saying or doing the right thing.
- With a meeting or coaching session when you’ve been entirely present to the person in front of you. So absorbed and responsive that there was no space for worried thoughts to take hold.
How did the second one feel compared to the first? Which would you like more of?
The normal way would be to look at the first conversation and say there are things to work on, to improve for next time, so that I can make the first feel more like the second.
But we’re not doing normal here. We’re doing natural.
And natural says, there’s nothing to add in to you in terms of learning or skills, and nothing to change about you in terms of confidence or presence — you’re clearly capable of having a connected, powerful exchange with someone. You’ve done it already!
In fact it’s the working on, adding and changing which is covering over the natural revelation of more of the second one.
What you’re looking for is removal of psychological clutter, lightening of the load, dissolution of the disturbances. Subtraction. Not addition.
There are no problems and there is nothing to change.
The more you know this, the more you settle into being that with whoever is in front of you. Being with them as they are in that moment, as you are in that moment.
All from a knowing of there being no problems and nothing to change. Not a belief of it. A knowing.
And that changes everything.
It is a space of such vast non-resistance that everything becomes possible.
It is the space of transformation.
So what stops you being in that space?
Believing a thought as a truth.
For example, in the belief of the thought ‘I need to work hard to make change happen’ — guess what kind of experience you’re going to get with change.
In belief of the thought ‘I feel good and valued when I help people who have problems’ — guess what kind of people you’re going to keep meeting.
In belief of the thought ‘I need this to be OK’ — guess whether you’re going to have a connected conversation, or one where you’re up in your head second guessing, manoeuvring and tripping over words?
And notice these beliefs contain the core belief from which all other beliefs spring — ‘I’.
The believed ‘I’ is not the same as the true ‘I’.
The believed ‘I’ is the beginning of all problems and all ideas that say ‘I need to change to be OK’.
And it feels bad when you’re thinking things like this, not because you really do need to change, but because the belief is untrue. There’s dissonance with the truth of who really you are. That’s what you’re feeling.
So if you want to be in that space of transformation more of the time, you need to be interested in subtracting beliefs. In recognising who you are before beliefs. Not in trying to change or improve beliefs, not in trying to add in more or better ones.
How do I do that?
Begin by simply noticing this oscillation of experience — between mind-cluttered situations, and mind-clear situations. You don’t need to do anyhting about them. Just notice they happen and start to get fascinated by the fact of that. Including in seemingly very similar situations.
Notice how the mind-cluttered situations might be put under an umbrella of ‘I can never do that’ — and look for the counter evidence. Not to replace it for a fresh belief of ‘I can do that’ — simply to see that both happen.
And if you’re really curious, at the end of the post is information about the next intake for a small group programme I run, starting on 4th Feb. I’d love to see you there.
There are no problems and there is nothing to change.
With love, Helen
Coaching as the Space of Transformation starts on 4th Feb 22 for 8 weeks. Meeting each Friday 9–10.15am UK this programme is for 7 coaches and change professionals who have reached the end of the road with the normal approaches to development and who are ready for something more enlightening. Find out all about it and book on here. This is what Alison thought of it last time….
“I didn’t really know how the experience was going to be or what I might get from it, but it turns out that didn’t matter. It was all (even when it felt challenging!) just right.
I appreciated Helen’s input, guidance, examples and questions, the resources, everyone’s contributions, the flow of the content to meet our needs. And I appreciated the space for reflection and realisation, free of expectations or judgement, which made it so safe to be part of.” Alison; Strategic Learning & OD
I coach and guide smart, passionate, curious people who care about improving the lives of those around them. Often coaches and leaders, they’ve worked hard all their lives to be the ‘best’ them and it doesn’t seem to have delivered the happiness, security or freedom they expected. Now they’re wondering what else is available. I guide you back, prior to stories, to remember the real you because that’s what you, me and the whole world really wants! Find out more here.