Join me for an exploration into who — or what — you are, before any ideas of responsibilities arise. It makes things so much easier this way.
Last week I wrote about having responsibilities and looked into ‘what are responsibilities?’ — what are these things we’re getting stressed, upset or overwhelmed about?
And I promised that this week I’d explore the second question — who am I that has responsibilities? Surely without knowing who I am and what it is I’m working with, I could be going on a wild goose chase. Fumbling in the dark for what I’m looking for.
Much easier to turn the light on first.
Think of it like the equivalent of hiring someone to be a chef in a restaurant — but they have no chef’s experience and don’t know what food is. You’re going to get ‘something’ delivered to the hatch. But will it be the best meal you’ve ever had? Unlikely.
So let’s first know who I am. The rest gets so much easier from there.
In last week’s post I wrote:
“there are ‘things’ that you count as responsibilities. But how you experience them varies. I bet there are some you don’t even think about, and yet the ‘thing’ is still there. Only when you think heavy thoughts does the heaviness return. And I bet there are some responsibilities you feel pressured about and others you don’t. Why would that be if they’re all ‘responsibilities’> You say some are more important than others?…But how is importance decided?”
All of this is pointing to the variable nature of the content of our world — thoughts, feelings and perceptions of these things we call responsibilities. All changeable, all the time.
How responsibilities appear to you in any moment is always — always! — a function of thought believed true in the moment. All of it is the content of life. All of it is what you’ve been directed to focus your attention on since day dot.
So let’s look somewhere else because, and you you might have noticed this, what you’ve been doing till now isn’t leading to an easier or nicer experience of life.
So who am I that is aware of all of this content?
Would you say that there is something you call ‘you’ which is constant?
What is that?
Is this ‘you-ness’ there before a thought about responsibilities comes along? Is it there during? Forget the fact that the feelings might be changing — is there still a you-ness aware of feeling those changing feelings? And is that you-ness still there after you’ve been thinking about responsibilities and have moved on to cook the dinner?
Is there any time in your life when that you-ness wasn’t there?
Deep sleep is a common example that comes up at this point…so yes, there was no conscious knowing of the you-ness in deep sleep but was something still there? The something that hears a sound in the night, or the alarm waking you up. Something is still there — even then.
So what is this you-ness?
Take this moment now to do this activity, to find out who you are. That’s what you’re here for. So if you want that too then engage in this activity fully…Read these next few lines and then do this, actively take part in what I’m inviting you to.
What you’re going to do is temporarily put down all the content of life.
Imagine a storage unit there to your side. Put in it all ideas of responsibility, all ideas of what you need to do, by when you need to do them, all ideas of relationships, of past, future, your personality…put all of it in the storage unit. All thoughts, all feelings, all the content is going in this temporary storage unit. These things aren’t being locked up or thrown away, they’re just temporarily going to stay safely in this unit for a short time.
So get still, put all those things in the unit, one by one, and notice what remains.
Just feel it. You don’t need to label it or analyse it. Just feel it, notice it.
And consider, that this that you’re feeling is who — or what — you really are. What you essentially are. When all content is taken out. This is all that remains. And check now, is it possible to take this out, or remove it, or get rid of it in some way? Can you step away from it, or towards it?
Also notice — go to that space again with this question — is this affected by anything? Does it have opinions about how much you earn? Does it prefer you to have pensions and health insurance in place? Can it take sides on a debate about which school to send the kids to?
Or is it just still and being?
Your final exploration with this…could this space ‘have’ responsibilities? Is there such a thing as a responsibility that’s separate from this? Could a responsibility appear outside of this which would allow it to be ‘had’ by it?
Could this place you’re visiting be what you really are?
What now?
Stay curious.
If something has resonated in this for you today then stay with that, go towards books, posts, videos and coaches who seem to emanate that same feeling.
Look towards this constant-ness, and you find that responsibilities, and thoughts about responsibilities, become so much simpler, quieter, more aligned with loving action.
Tell me what you’ve noticed.
With love, Helen
P.S. I’ve recorded an audio version of this and shared it in my membership community here so you can be walked through the activity by me, instead of having to read and explore at the same time.
I coach and guide smart, passionate, curious people who care about improving the lives of those around them. Often coaches and leaders, they’ve worked hard all their lives to be the ‘best’ them and it doesn’t seem to have delivered the happiness, security or freedom they expected. Now they’re wondering what else is available. I guide you back, prior to stories, to remember the real you because that’s what you, me and the whole world really wants! Find out more here.