There’s been a theme in my life over the last week about finding our own path, doing it our way, not looking to anybody for answers or approval. And yet — we’ve been brought up to learn or think we need to know the “right” answer, which generally means the answer the people around you agree with. Oh the limits! So what instead?
“There is no one way to anything.”
Chinua Achebe
For the last two years I’ve been deep in spiritual exploration. Learning from the fields of the Three Principles and Non Duality, and which has included drawing on the works of teachers such as Byron Katie, Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, Adyashanti, Rupert Spira. As well as exploring into the science of what’s known beyond what we think we know— Anil Seth, Donald Hoffman, Iain McGilchrist, Chris Niebauer, Cynthia Larson. And the world of energy, beliefs and chakras via John Amaral, Dawson Church, Bruce Lipton.
I write all that to highlight all the places I’ve been looking for “right” answers, and this isn’t even the full list. This is just the chunky bits.
With every book, course, article, video, podcast…there’s been an element of “maybe this will help it all click”.
It makes sense from a mind that’s been conditioned to learn and pass exams and performance reviews with the aim of being told ‘yes, you’re good enough’ — you get the grades for the next level of the education game, or the pay rise or promotion or even just to keep your job for the next stage of the work game.
It also makes sense from a mind that knows deep down somewhere that “this” can’t be it. A knowing that what we see and experience in front of us isn’t all there is to life.
And it makes sense from the innate capacity of these body-minds of ours to learn — especially when we find something that fills us with joy and fascination.
And so the seeking and learning makes perfect, logical sense on all those fronts.
And — there is no right answer.
Teachers say that all the time — don’t listen to the words, listen for where I’m pointing to, listen for what’s behind the words. The words are not the truth.
These kinds of statements drive the intellect crazy! And yet they’re true — although also not true the moment they’re spoken. No word can encapsulate truth.
“You show me truth and I’ll show you some guy talking.”
Werner Erhard
And so, the mind that seeks the right answer to have the right kind of knowledge or right kind of life will find itself on an endless quest. There is not enough input or learning in the world that will help you know that for yourself.
Because really there is only your path. And their path. And theirs.
And theirs is really none of our business. Nor yours is any of theirs.
I’ve seen it with my kids recently. The idea that their lives should be identical to make things ‘fair’ and yet in doing so one or other limits what they could be doing — that could be perfect for them — in favour of living like the other. I used to do it with my sister, wanting to emulate everything she did, and remembering feeling lost when she went to uni and I needed to find out what I thought and what I wanted.
And then in the last week Russell’s latest podcast with Gabby where she talks about us each having our own routes through from addiction (don’t imagine this is just drink and drugs) to clarity, and Annette in this talk about there not being one right path to waking up. Plus many other prods and nods from life about the need for each of us to live our own way.
Like this from Jason Leister:
“I’m not sure why humans haven’t outlawed non-compliance.
Someone should probably do it. Or at least bring it to everyone’s attention just how destructive it is.
You can’t very well have a society full of non-compliant people now can you? Just how would that work?
It doesn’t work. And the proof is everywhere.
People going their entire lives in a state of total non-compliance with their own truth, will and intention…
It’s a very damaging thing. Deadly even!”
And this from Garry Turner sharing appreciation for Nilofer Merchant and her work on Onlyness.
All the while “Go your own way” from Fleetwood Mac plays in my head.
All of it pointing to the fact there is no silver bullet. (Oh yes, that was another nod from Stephanie and Sonja in this video, thank you!) There is no right answer and that’s what creativity is, that’s what makes life fulfilling, fun and rich! There is no right way to do life (or social media tagging, thank you Kate Griffiths for another nudge towards that message).
You have your way and that’s the only way you can do it.
The more “you-shaped” it is the more perfect and easy and flow-ful it feels.
And the discovery of that you-shaped-ness comes from the innate well of creativity that you are. Did you see how creative businesses and schools became in first lockdown, and how some still are — adapting and adjusting to create a solution that’s perfect for this ‘now’ that’s happening now — not for the now that existed at the start of 2020.
That well of creativity gets revealed in the absence of the intellectual or conceptual mind. Quiet the mind that lives in ideas of limit and ideas of “rules” to live life by, and creativity flows with unbridled energy. That’s what happened at the start of lockdown. Rulebooks got thrown out of the window and the huge creative capacity that we are became fully available. People and businesses just taking the right steps for them — irrespective of what the neighbours / friends / competitors were up to. Going their own way. No silver bullet.
And so then it all becomes very simple. The one thing that limits the creativity of our own path is the intellect believing ideas as truths. So if there’s one thing to do — spot all the places that an idea is taken as truth, seeing how your whole experience is a function of thought in the moment — not an objective, fixed reality.
And how do you do that…well, there’s no silver bullet.
And you’ll find your way. Back to you.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for all of your life.
With love, Helen
Thank you to Fateme Banishoeib and Dominic Scaffidi for bringing the quotes used here into my world these last two days.
I work with people who want a quieter mind and a more fulfilling life. They’re smart, passionate people who are curious about there being a better way. They’ve worked hard to get to here and yet something’s still missing: ‘is this it?’. In our work we explore and reconnect you to innate brilliance so you rediscover the real happiness, real security and real balance that you are. Find out more here.