I shared the other day that your only problem as a parent (or a human!) is being afraid of your thought-based experience. Today let’s dive into feelings.
Your Only Problem as a Parent is Being Afraid of Your Experience.
The first side of being afraid of your experience is fear of your thoughts. Which is what happens when you believe that they’re true. They look scary. They take you deeper and deeper into the heart of the fears that drive your reactions and (sometimes really seemingly unloving) behaviour.
The second side of being afraid of your experience is fear of your feelings.
If you want to test this, go back to Thursday’s email and read the thought-threads — read them as though they are about you, and your child, and their situation…notice how you feel.
And notice — do you like that feeling, or not.
It’s considered pretty normal that if we feel panicked, worried, stressed, frustrated, or simply afraid…we fear that. We label it wrong. And we do everything in our power to get rid of the supposedly yukky feeling.
If we think there’s a chance we might be labelled a bad person, we fear that. We label it wrong. And we do everything in our power to get rid of that fearful feeling.
If we think we won’t survive an experience, we fear that — of course! We label it wrong. And we do everything in our power to get rid of that fearful feeling.
Of course we do everything in our power to get rid of it.
We are drawn to feeling better.
Because in our heart we know when we feel better we feel more like ourself.
Because your self is ‘feeling better’ by nature. Who you are is good feelings. These words are synonymous.
And so what makes the biggest difference to you and your parenting life— if you want a lasting experience of not being afraid — is to become unafraid of the feeling of fear.
Unafraid of the feeling of fear.
Is that possible?
Absolutely. And the route to that is to feel it. To drop the idea that you need to get rid of it. To acknowledge and include it.
Is it always easy? No. Could anyone say they’re complete with this? I have no idea. But it seems to be the only way to become truly unafraid.
To be in the grounded good feelings of yourself, including the feelings.
Unafraid of thoughts, unafraid of feelings.
And therefore absent of problems.
With peace, love and joy; Helen
Would you like to have fewer parenting problems?
The Conscious Parenting Programme is here to take you to the heart of who you are, reminding you of the grounded feelings of yourself — unafraid of any experience. And therefore present and clear with it all.
Want more on this ‘only problem you have as a parent’? Read part one of this here.