This phrase “you’re feeling your thinking” might have had a huge impact on you early in your exploration. Now, if it seems like it’s not working, that’s OK. It’s perfect in fact. It’s an invitation to look deeper.
This week it has been all about emotions, feelings and the breathing in and out of these experiences, and this led me to question a well-used phrase; “you’re feeling your thinking.”
And from what I’ve seen, no, you’re not.
It began on Monday in Heartfelt Presence
I volunteer for an hour each week in this wonderful space and the lady who was sharing told us how she’d been enjoying a few days of blissful ease and lightness, only to then feel fear and worry return.
Such a familiar experience for many who are on an awakening and enlightenment path. And one which can feel disheartening. You can begin to wonder if you’ve ever even seen anything about your true nature. I used to doubt it all and think I must have joined some crazy cult.
Although then I would find myself on a call with a client feeling entirely present with seemingly wise and profound words coming out of my mouth!
Anyway, back to Monday, I shared similar words to this with the lady, and how this oscillation as we deepen into the knowing of our essential nature is so normal. I continued on. Sharing that, at a fundamental level, we are experiencing the fluctuations of awareness, within awareness.
We are the soup of universal energy and we feel its movements in this body.
This really landed with her. She felt the truth of it. Do you?
So these fundamental movements of energy are happening, and then we label these movements ‘emotion’.
Then — given we’ve been told some of these emotions are good (and should be held onto) and some are bad (and should be got rid of) — we’ve come to layer on a whole bunch of thinking and meaning about the movements of energy that are passing through. Believing they are ‘mine’ and say something about ‘me’.
Now we’re in the realm of ‘mental-feeling states’. And these don’t feel good. Even if they’re the ‘look aren’t I amazing’ or ‘I’m doing so well!’ kind of mental-feeling states. There’s just always something a bit ‘off’ with them.
And that’s the way to tell if it’s a mental-feeling state. They always come with some degree of yukkiness, or ickiness. Some degree of vigilance, or suffering.
So when we say “you’re feeling your thinking”
— yes you are, at this level of mental-feeling states.
But when you excavate through some of that obscuring veil of activity, you start to see that behind the mental-feeling states are beautiful emotions. All of them! Beautiful! These fundamental, flowing movements of universal energy. Or fluctuations of awareness within awareness. Appearing as what we call emotion. Laced with love and beauty.
And this is what you’ve been avoiding.
Because you learnt to.
And you can unlearn to.
Would you like that?
Why not begin with the next time something slightly challenging occurs?
Most of us have a go-to avoidance strategy to not feel whatever it is that we’re feeling. So your first step might be to notice what your go-to action is, to avoid feeling the feelings.
It might be to go to your phone, some food, a drink, a phone call with someone, a run, your work,…it can be anything…
Then either this time, or next time you catch it, instead of jumping into the go-to strategy, just notice what’s actually happening.
Come right into your raw experience, right here, right now.
What thoughts are there? What are you feeling? How do you know that’s what you’re feeling? How did you know to label it that? What do you actually feel in your body? What are your facial muscles doing? What’s your stomach doing? Pay attention to all of it.
Not to change it. Not to get rid of it. Not as a subtle ‘this will make me feel better’ strategy. Just to see it.
A metaphor that worked for a client this week, was to observe it all, like observing the behaviour of animals in a zoo.
And then keep observing as it changes, and transforms, before your eyes. Perhaps you notice you touch into the beautiful space of pure emotion as the mental-feeling states fall away. Notice how that feels.
Notice how that happened, not because you were trying to. Simply because all that remains when all else has dissolved, is your own beautiful being.
Exactly what you were looking for all along.
So are you just feeling your thinking?
No. But it’s a brilliant doorway to a deeper exploration.
With love, Helen
P.S. If this exploration interests you, Chapter 9 of The Complete Book of Awakening guides you in explorations like this to check Are You Your Feelings? Buy it on your local Amazon, or go to the book’s home here.