Watch how you talk about your “self”

Language is limited. It can’t not be when words are limited, thought-created concepts and, without realising it, we are using language that keeps us stuck in separation. Even when our words point to truth, we don’t even know we’re doing it so the impact is lost.

Here are some examples to explore and get curious about. Rather than see any of these as good or bad, just notice the opportunity of seeing them for what they are. Until then we remain confused about who we really are and continue to suffer.

“I need to build my self up to this” : no, you’re fine. The one you’re building up is the imagined one who has you think you’re limited and less than you really are. The real you has got this.

“Take care of your self” : no, here too, you’re fine. The self you think needs taking care of is the fearful one, the one who’s been taught to believe they’re less than. Through all innocence, this begins from day 1 when a parent or carer feeds us. This is the start of a belief that we need to be taken care of. At that stage, yes, we are a living system that needs sustenance to stay alive — but we carry this need to be cared for and looked after way beyond the point that it’s useful to us.

“I’m trying to be patient with my self” : yes, this thought-created self can’t half tie us in knots…I can do this, no I can’t, maybe I could, I’m not sure,…. the commentary it plays to us is all over the place and so yes, patience and compassion is a great place to start. Recognise that this non-true self we’ve developed over the years has been promoted beyond its capability, and love will help it see its place in the system and settle back there.

“She’s / He’s full of her / him self” : we associate this with the person who’s over-confident, who’s unaware of others, who is so absorbed in their own endeavours that there is no space for anyone or anything else. This is what happens – to us too – when we believe the thought-created self is it, that it’s the source of our success and safety.

Although this phrase is associated with those who appear over-confident or arrogant, it’s also true of those who feel crippled by their anxiety or depression. And it’s true of every single one of us the moment we believe our thinking, and our self-programming jumps to protect and defend.

In those moments there appears to be no space for anything other than our own thinking about saving our created-self from annihilation. In those moments our heads are literally full to the brim of imagined, safety-seeking thinking. So yes, we’re full of our self. From there it’s hard to see the truth. The snow, shaken up in the snow globe, blinds us to it. Until it settles. Then we’re back home.

I work with people who want a quieter mind and a more fulfilling life. They’re smart, passionate people who are curious about there being a better way. They’ve worked hard to get to here and yet something’s still missing: ‘is this it?’. In our work we explore and reconnect you to innate brilliance so you rediscover the real happiness, real security and real balance that you are. Find out more here.

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