I’ve had conversations with a few people recently where they’ve heard spiritual guides and teachers espousing the beauty of oneness experiences, and now they’re struggling with — ‘why am I not feeling this lovely oneness?’
And in this game of life, we all search for ourselves. When I say selves, I mean inner selves, the thing that created the life in the first place. Now consciously, most of us are not aware of this. But if you’re searching for happiness, if you’re searching for tranquility, if you’re searching just to have a nice, peaceful, loving understanding of life … in actual fact, you’re searching for your inner self.” Sydney Banks
Why am I not experiencing oneness?
The simple answer is — you are. It is everything you’re experiencing now and everything that is all around you now. Including the frustration that you don’t seem able to find this oneness.
And — that can be a pretty dissatisfying answer from the human perspective because we know in our hearts that there is something more beautiful available, and we’re pretty sure we’d rather have that.
Of course you would. It’s like a homing beacon calling you back to yourself. Or, as Rupert says, like a moth to a flame.
It’s what you’ve been looking for in every single experience, activity, relationship and habit you’ve ever taken part in, because all you’ve been looking for is to feel good — which is synonymous with saying, all you’ve been looking for is to yourself.
Trouble is, we love and get hooked by the idea of a big dramatic blissful moment of oneness (and of course we’d love that — who wouldn’t!) but that’s just not most people’s experience. For most it’s a gentle and gradual evolution and shift with little bursts of bliss along the way.
So why doesn’t it feel like beautiful oneness now?
The reason this is already oneness right here, AND it doesn’t feel like how you think it can, is because of the conditioning that’s been collected through life, which simply obscures the good feeling of your essential one nature.
Part of this conditioning is that there’s somewhere else I need to get to in order to be OK. Just over that hill is the ‘better me’ who will then be like these seemingly other-worldly people who have oneness experiences ‘all’ the time.
In believing these ideas of ‘special people’ and ideas of their ‘always perfect oneness experience’ and that there there is ‘somewhere else for me to get to’ we create an imagined separation and distance in our minds. This doesn’t feel good — because it’s not true. There is never, and can never be, distance or separation.
But innocently you then set about trying to close that imagined gap. Whether that’s by trying to do different things in the world, or hanging out with different people, or trying to have different thoughts or feelings. If any of this is done ‘in order to find oneness’, all you’re doing is covering over the beautiful oneness feelings, that are already here, with more psychological activity.
The only ‘thing’ that covers the beautiful feelings of oneness that you’re looking for is believing psychological activity to be true. You’re believing that which seeks oneness over there, and resists the truth that it is already here. You’re favouring the mind over yourself.
Bring it right back closer to home
Instead, notice moments in your life — no matter how micro — when things felt beautiful, connected, easy, loving, joyful, relaxed, peaceful.
It could have been looking at a flower.
Watching a sunrise.
Dealing with a here-and-now difficult situation.
Gazing at a sleeping baby.
Having a moment of flow with your work.
Deep sleep.
Feeling a swelling of love in your chest for no reason.
Giving someone respectful feedback.
The common theme you’re looking for is feelings of beauty, connection, ease, love, joy, relaxation, peace.
These are the feelings of yourself when you’re simply yourself. These are the oneness experience you’re looking for.
And these occur irrespective of the content, characters or circumstances in that moment.
Unobscured by psychological activity, all that is left is yourself. Oneness.
So what to do from here?
Give greater attention to these moments — recognising them for what they are (the feeling of yourself) — and then notice what happens.
Do this with:
*No effort to achieve a certain outcome.
*No trying to make these experiences happen so you can notice them.
They are here already, they are happening anyway, you are oneness already.
Look and you will see.
You are looking for yourself.
Much love, Helen
P.S. I have a community of curious people who are also interested in increasing the recognition of their very own self, and increasingly dissolving that which obscures that knowing. If this is you too, join us here. We’d love to see you there.