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The other day I wrote this piece about how we are all absolutely OK. We just forgot it.
This has been a new realisation for me thanks to learning about the Three Principles with Piers Thurston and this particular realisation has helped to settle a paradox that I used to just accept I had to hold both ends of.
| First day in the new job…. | |
| I’ve never been responsible for so much before. | I wonder what the new boss will be like. |
| Better make a good impression or they’ll think they’ve made the wrong hiring decision. | Better make a good impression or they’ll think I’m no good at my job. |
| Must look like I know what I’m doing and what I’m talking about. I’m meant to be in charge of all this. | Must look like I know what I’m doing and what I’m talking about. I’m meant to be in charge of this department. |
| OK, let’s do this. | OK, let’s do this. |
| [Step into the office, shoulders back, head up, eye contact, confidently greeting people] | [Steps into the office, looking around]
Is he here yet? |
| [Conversations in flow – listening deeply] | [Conversations in flow – speaking passionately] |
| Wow I’m learning loads. | Wow I know more than I realised, and he seems to be really listening. This is going well! |
| I have so many questions. | These questions are really getting me thinking. I love this! |
| These people really know their stuff. | I feel like I know my stuff even better than I did before this conversation! |
| They seem so engaged with what they’re doing and keen to change things for the better. | I love this job and this new boss seems great! |
| I’d better show that I know stuff too [adds knowledgeable stuff to conversation]. | And he has insights to add. That’s so useful to have a new perspective. |
| A few months later….. | |
| [Amount of knowledgeable stuff added to conversations grows….] | [Amount of knowledgeable stuff added to conversations is dropping, confidence is dropping] |
| Hey, I’m doing great! Look at all this stuff I know now. | I’m not sure I’m as good at this as I thought I was. |
| I can add so much to conversations. | I don’t feel I can share anything he doesn’t already know. |
| I have so many ideas. I’m thriving on sharing them with everyone! | I don’t know where to take this next. I can’t get a word in edgeways anyway. |
| 6 months later…. | |
| I get all this now. | I’ll wait to be told. |
| I’ve got a clear plan of what we need to do and how we’re going to get there. | It’s always his opinion first so no point thinking first.
|
| Why is this person saying this again? We went over this already? | If he’d only listen he’d hear what I’m really saying. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t care what I have to say. |
| I asked for that last week. What are they doing? | What’s the point, it won’t be exactly what he wants anyway. |
| I have this amazing idea – I’ll go and tell the people who need to make it happen. It must be done yesterday! | Instructions received. Robotic task-completion mode engaged. |
| Nobody has anything to say around here. | ….. |
| I wish people would just get on and do instead of seeking permission from me! | Given he knows it all I need to check this first or it’ll be wrong. |
| Why does nobody interact in our meetings or bring ideas?
It’s like they’ve all just disengaged. |
….. |
We’re taught our whole lives – from school and through work – to show our brilliance. Have the ideas. Show you know things. Demonstrate capability. Do stuff and do it well and quickly.
All through school, university and work we’re rewarded and praised for knowing and doing.
I read this article tonight.
Possibly the most common situation at any level of leadership : Overloaded leaders because half their time is spent solving problems that aren’t theirs to solve. Resulting in teams who don’t believe they’re capable because every time the leader solves for them it tells the team they can’t.
At the age of 30 I was properly introduced to the concept of chaos when I had my first baby. Until then, or at least through my ’18 and over’ life, things had been fairly un-chaotic. That’s not to say they were uneventful but any surprising or unexpected events were mostly fun and things I wanted to be part of. As I went from 25 to 30 we bought our first house, did it up and purchased much from Ikea (other household shopping outlets are available). During that time we settled into the rhythm of grown up working and home-owning life.
After a full 2 days in London, I’m starting to process and reflect on what I’ve heard. And this isn’t even half of what was going on there!! So, here’s where I am. What do you think? What else did you hear?
Start with the business. Know your business. Know the strategy.
Next week sees the CIPD Learning & Development Show coming to The Olympia in London! I’m fortunate to be on the Blog Squad again, alongside bloggers old and new, so I hope you’ll find what we share interesting, thought provoking with maybe a few giggles in there too.
Already, Jo, Ian and Jonathan have written some great pre-event pieces. I’ve been meaning to write for a while and was wondering what might be most useful to share. Then this weekend, inspiration came in the form of this TED Talk via a good colleague Garry Turner.
How often have you seen or heard this?
They’re just no good at their job, I keep having to pick up the slack? I haven’t got time to do my own work because they’re incapable of doing their’s. If only they could sort it out we’d all be better off. I don’t even know why they’re still here – they don’t contribute anything.
Wow! What an amazing month April’s been for fabulous feelings and philosophies on feedback! 33 posts all together! Impressive stuff and a great wealth of insight has been created on a topic which is clearly an area of work that continues to need some attention so that we can improve.
Thank you to everyone who’s contributed. It’s only because of you that this curation is possible and able to benefit others with this same challenge.
“Mummy am I Muslim or Hindu?”
“Neither darling, you don’t really have a religion.”
“So can I choose what I am?”
“Yes you can!”
“Oh good! That means I can marry Shey and be a Muslim. My teacher said that if one person doesn’t have a religion they can marry anyone and be the same as them.”
The final part in my trio of Christmas brain-related reflections. (If you missed the others, here’s Take 1 and Take 2). Today it’s about the love our brain has for filtering out what it sees as needless information.
Festive Filter
“I’m sorry for ignoring you but that’s all I can do.” – Taimoor Madni