This week’s experience of what could be counted as ‘saying the wrong thing’ gained alot of interest in my weekly newsletter. Have a read and see what you think. And if you want to subscribe to get this kind of content each week, the link’s at the bottom.
In a world where you can be anything, be kind
But how could we ever know what ‘kind’ is?
Kind to you could be different to me.
Kind for me today could be different to kind for me tomorrow.
‘Kindness’ in saving an animal from a predator is not kind to the predator.
And what seems unkind in this moment could, in hindsight, prove to be an invaluable, life-changing moment.
No truth in kindness as the mind has defined it, so no point getting tangled in whether what we did or said was kind or not.
At the weekend I emailed Garry Turner, knowing at the time there was an element of lingering ego reaction happening, off in imagination, upset that – as it looked at the time – Garry, in his newsletters, hadn’t mentioned our interview for his book, or my group programme he’d been on, but that he had mentioned others. Foot-stamping, it’s not fair, nobody cares, I’m not good enough.
These are the kinds of things that run in our minds when fear-based thinking passes through and gets believed. Immediately the aperture we’re looking through narrows and we lose sight of information (Garry later shared the link where he had in fact given a shout out for the course :-0). In those moments we feel separate and alone. It all feels so real.
And it’s not true. At one time I wouldn’t have even sent the email, thinking it’s not kind to Garry to share those thoughts. I’d have stewed and grumped – and would have eventually come out of it. But maybe there’d have been that lingering taste of it in the relationship.
But I do know that where there is resistance there is information. And I was clear enough when I sent the email to know (and said in the email) that the resistance I was experiencing was information about me and zero information about Garry or a need for him to change his approach to his emails.
I also knew that I couldn’t know if there might be information in the form of ‘resistance to the email’ for Garry, which I said in the note too.
Does this mean start being 100% honest with everyone all the time, irrespective of ‘normal ideas’ of kindness? No. That’s the mind trying to apply a rule and simplify life.
Instead, all we have to do is look to what’s constant and look with curiosity at the resistance – and then the rest takes care of itself.
Before any ideas of kind or unkind there’s an innate kindness, the sort of kindness that knows animals being preyed upon is kind to the overall system, that knows saying no to a child is kind for their future.
The more we rest in that place the more words come out the only way they can, and are heard the only way they can, with nothing personal about any of it. All of it for the purpose of realising the unconditional love that we are.
Want a bit more? I wrote this piece about our essence and honesty this week, and about Russell Brand (I love him BTW!)
With love, Helen
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I work with people who want a quieter mind and a more fulfilling life. They’re smart, passionate people who are curious about there being a better way. They’ve worked hard to get to here and yet something’s still missing: ‘is this it?’. In our work we explore and reconnect to innate brilliance so you rediscover a quieter mind, happiness and balance. Find out more here.