No wonder we feel insecure

Insecurity has been thrown into the spotlight in recent weeks as Coronavirus and isolation events have brought into stark view the fact that what we’ve been pinning our wellbeing on something inherently unstable. The people, objects, incomes, processes, habits and systems we’ve been taking to be a source of security never were — so brilliant. Because now, seeing through that, we have the chance to look somewhere else for real security.

Illustration of insecure people - woman blowing up balloon implants, man pouring product on bald head
Image Credit: Shane Campbell 

No wonder we feel insecure. All our lives we’ve been pointed towards things that constantly change to find a feeling of OK-ness.

Currently it’s all about health and finances and freedom of movement — stay healthy, don’t get sick, don’t pass it on, stay at home, wear a mask, make ends meet. Or else (we imagine) more chaos, more limitation, more loss of freedom, more loss.

All your life you’ve been told…

…be nice to people or else they’ll fall out with you and stop being your friend.

…improve, make progress, get further so you can do more, earn more and secure your future or else you’ll be on the scrap heap.

…buy this or that product to feel better / happy / young / beautiful or else you’ll be rejected and alone.

…keep your team high performing, engaged, motivated or else they’ll leave or we’ll lose money.

…don’t get old so we don’t…what? What do we actually think we’ll gain by not getting old? Do we really think we’re going to outwit the inevitability, and yet uncertain timing, of death with an exercise regime and a face cream?

All these things we’ve been told to find security in are an endless chase. 

A fruitless and effortful attempt to control, and find OK-ness, in what is inherently ephemeral.

All these activites are an ego’s attempt to avoid loss; with its own death its greatest fear (even though the ego is actually only a thought!). That’s why it can react so strongly when its stories are challenged. And yet this activity of thought we call ego, its very nature is loss, lack, not enough. From that place it searches and seeks for something out there to fill the void — a void which it created!

All these things are in fact what lead to what we classify as ‘bad’ or ‘unwanted’ behaviour: We only bully from insecurity. We only steal from insecurity. We only use drugs, alcohol, food and work as salves for insecurity. We only don’t help others from insecurity. We only don’t have clear boundaries because of insecurity.

So thank goodness this activity of thought we call ego is not who you are!

Because when we stop and notice what’s here, now, we reconnect to whatwe’ve never been pointed to. That which is constant, whole and reliable — who we really are.

The stillness and clarity behind our psychology, behind all those stories we’ve been conditioned with.

The love and joy that appear the moment our thinking stops. Like when we watch a little kid living life or a dog bounding into leaves. [LINK]

The fresh thoughts and creativity that can’t help but bring forth ideas the moment we’re in the now.

The depth of connection we feel with another the moment we drop out of conceptual thought.

The innate brilliance that bursts through the moment thoughts of ‘me’ and an imagined past or future go quiet.

The sun is always there behind the clouds.

We were never told to look to that.

And yet that is us.

From here you can see…

Freedom is found in realising you’re the sun. Unaffected by the clouds.

Freedom is seeing that wholeness never came from securing the ever-changing and ever-moving clouds.

Freedom is found in now not needing the clouds to either go or to pass.

Everything you want is already here — the moment you stop searching for it in the clouds.

How do we do that?

The ego will want a ‘how to’ guide because it sees salvation in these words and so it begins a new chase to try and secure itself with what sounds really nice! But that’s the same chase which covers up the very thing being sought.

So my only invitation is to get curious and notice.

Notice how you are so used to placing your happiness on something outside of you — I’ll be OK if that deal comes off. I’ll be OK if my partner/husband/wife would just… I’ll be OK when I can go to the pub again…

Notice how that feels.

And notice the opposite, when you’re just absorbed in doing what you’re doing — whatever that doing is — and how fulfilling and peaceful it is and how responsive you are to what’s needed.

Notice how that feels.

Keep noticing.

With love, Helen

I work with people who want a quieter mind and a more fulfilling life. They’re smart, passionate people who are curious about there being a better way. They’ve worked hard to get to here and yet something’s still missing: ‘is this it?’. In our work we explore and reconnect to innate brilliance so they rediscover a quieter mind, fulfillment and balance. Find out more here.

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