How change really happens

We’re not the agents of change we imagined we were and, when we come to see that more and more, change gets easier and easier.

“Change is enabled by not needing anything to change” 

Helen Amery 

Sounds crazy doesn’t it? We’ve been taught for so long that we need to be proactive go-getters, that we need to be internally motivated. That if we want things to change it’s us who needs to take control and make it happen.  

And it’s true — to an extent. A project won’t get from idea to delivery unless there is a body and mind here getting the work done. A new piece of art won’t be created unless the artist’s hand and arm put brush to canvas.

And – we’ve got lost in believing it’s got something to do with us, that it somehow defines us or secures us. In the presence of that belief we suddenly NEED this change to happen. 

Now we’re lost and tension arises. Because now it seems like there’s something on it. I have to complete this project or else… I have to paint this painting or else… “Or else” is rarely defined or brought into the light. Left lurking in shrouded, scary mystery. 

In the presence of this psychological tension our body responds in kind and gets tense. That’s just how it works. It’s perfectly designed. We’ve labelled that tension as ‘bad’ and worked all our lives to make it go away, distract from it or numb it out, when in fact all it’s doing is showing us resistance to wake us up to our lostness. 

So when we tell ourselves ‘this new project is really stressing me out’ it literally has nothing, nada, zero to do with the project and everything – 100% – to do with imagination. 

An imagined future if you do or don’t get this done.  

Or a mis-remembered, imagined past about how you, or they, couldn’t do it last time and all the barriers that couldn’t be overcome.  

You’ve momentarily got lost believing that this project will somehow provide success or security of some kind. Momentarily lost in a crowded mind, now full with imagination, rather than seeing what’s happening right here, now. Lost in the clouds. 

The tension appears as a physical stuck-ness – and a psychological stuckness. The two systems are one. At a fundamental level we are energy and, if you imagine carbon dioxide going from a spacious gas, to a liquid to a solid – with each reduction in energy there’s a reduction of spaciousness and a reduction in movement of the molecules. Same with us. Our system becomes slower, more rigid, less fluid, less energetic, less vibrant. 

In this experience of rigidity, communication and listening capability drop, fewer possibilities are seen, relationships suffer and the project is harder to turn from idea into concept. 

And this experience will change. Guaranteed. 100% 

Sometimes change comes quietly without us noticing. The inner resistance has gone and therefore the outer experience has become easier again.  

Sometimes it’s a fresh idea that provides a breakthrough. Inner change – outer change. 

Sometimes we have an awareness of letting something go that’s been bothering us – and then change re-starts. Inner change – outer change. 

Sometimes we actually see through the made-up story. The illusion pops. Right before our eyes. Suddenly something that looked like it was a source of security is seen for what it really is – all just an idea. Then the next steps in the work emerge. Inner change – outer change. 

And we aren’t DOING any of these things. You didn’t ‘make’ the inner experience of change happen. You didn’t ‘make’ a fresh thought come to mind. Anything that looks like it did ‘make’ it happen is a correlation, not a cause. You really have much less to do here than you ever realised.

Change is our nature. Change is wanted. Creation is wanted. Inner change is constant and natural, and therefore outer change is constant and natural. All happening with ease when we’re aligned with life and in the flow.  Not getting in its way believing we somehow have something to do with it.

The more you see that the system naturally restores, 100% of the time, the stuckness never sticks around permanently, then the more you ease into the flow, allowing the natural system to bring you fresh ideas or new ways through. 

And the moment we get lost again, imagining we have something to do with it, or something on it, tension returns. Perfect to wake us up again.  

With love, Helen

I work with people who want a quieter mind and a more fulfilling life. They’re smart, passionate people who are curious about there being a better way. They’ve worked hard to get to here and yet something’s still missing: ‘is this it?’. In our work we explore and reconnect to innate brilliance so they rediscover a quieter mind, fulfillment and balance. Find out more here.